That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
so let's talk penis.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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