Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize