He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
