Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
