yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Houston, we have a blender
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
