Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize