Got a toothbrush?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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