so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
