wrigley field is MILF paradise
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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