"it" just moved
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
