Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
