I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
