I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
