so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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