I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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