I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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