I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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