You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
