Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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