Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
