it wasn't lemon gatorade
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
