you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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