you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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