i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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