I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
