We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
