I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
