I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
this is an emotional support booty call
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
