whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
