1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
where are you?
Hypothermia
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
