I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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