i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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