Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I AM VODKA MAN
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize