The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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