My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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