if i can run in heels then i can drive
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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