i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
