Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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