No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
