i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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