I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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