is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
