Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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