About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
