He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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