You can't special order awesome
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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