Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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