she was so not down for the gang bang
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
