quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
