i already hear my dad disowning me
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
