awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
