the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
