You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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