my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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