why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
