Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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