listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
where am i from again
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize