Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
