Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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