she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
