i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We got so high we made milksteak
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
