I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
