Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize
