I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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