i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
