i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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