I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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