cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
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