you would pick up someone in the library
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
