Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
