): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
