Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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