i think my tv is drunk
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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