OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
