Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
