He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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