u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
