I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
