All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
