The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
