once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
