Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
