Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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