We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The beer is more important than you right now.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
