Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
