Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
